After years of riling up the most vulnerable, desperate, and at times tin foil hat wearing and paranoid contingents in the world, Mike Adams finally comes clean.
“I’ve been making this shit up as I go. How the fuck didn’t anybody catch it?”
Adams’ wild claims about everything from vaccines being a holocaust, vaccines being a government scam, chemicals making your kids gay, or claiming that honey and water makes a great mouthwash? He’s finally admitted that he was just yanking yer’ goat.
“I started the website out as a joke, you know? Nobody could have believed all of that. I mean just look at the atrocious grammar, the videos comparing a chicken nugget to an alien landscape, my insane self-written profile, the goddamn articles themselves. It reads like satire. I mean, nobody could possibly have the cognitive dissonance to run a business like this, not publicly cite any sources, and think they have a shred of credibility, right? I’ve been pulling this whole thing off brilliantly for years.”
Adams smiles when he thinks back over his long and storied career as an organic, alternative health crusader.
“Yeah, that happened,” Adams says, regretfully.
“I even got onto Dr. Oz’s show, not that THAT’S an accomplishment, it’s not like he has a fact checking department. I told him I had a lab and made discoveries, can you imagine that? And he believed me!” He said before breaking into maniacal laughter. When pressed about if other alternative health sites were likewise operating as satire, a very serious expression came across his face.
“If I told everyone that David Avocado Wolfe and Vani Hari didn’t believe their own bullshit and were just out to make money, they’d kill me in my sleep.”
He pondered the whole mess quietly, thinking about all the people who feared vaccinations, food, and other really safe stuff based on his shit for a moment while shaking his head, saying “I can’t believe I got away with it for this long.” What does Adams plan to do now that he’s outed himself?
“Whatever the fuck I want, I’m set for life now, motherfuckers! Organic bullshit shilling is the life!”
(Yes, this article is satire. Every word, except to the links to Natural News. He actually said all of that shit. You’re welcome.)
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