Breaking: USRTK’s Ties to Monsanto Front Groups.

It seems you can’t trust anyone for quality information nowadays because everyone is in it to make a profit.

In an exclusive interview with several members of USRTK and their associates, it was revealed that they rely on revenue directly from writing about groups they associate with Monsanto, which, according to their writing, lets their cover slip about their status as shills of Monsanto.

“Yeah, we tell people there’s no money in what we do,” Gary Ruskin says, trying to suppress a giggle, “and then they flock to our clickbait articles when we claim a couple of moms are a Monsanto front group- and we we know that’s absolute crap- but it’s like we’re printing money here.” 

When pressed about the connection to the Monsanto front groups, Ruskin said “well without all of these scientists and science journalists to attack via some barely tangible connection to a seed company, we really don’t have much to write about. We’ve tried saying GMOs are unsafe even though we know Seralini is bullshit, we know glyphosate is absurdly non-toxic to humans, and how many articles can you write saying ‘chemicals are bad’ anyway? So we had to find new targets and,” he gestured at me, “people love takedowns. I mean you can’t pay the bills by doing one march every year now, can you?”

“We really do run a tight shop with our systemic combination of fear and misinformation,” Stacey Malkan added. “If we can get people to hate Monsanto to the point where they hate anyone who’s six degrees of separation from them, we don’t need to teach them anything about facts. Everyone’s we don’t like is somehow a Monsanto front group, and after we’ve thrown enough shade at them our readers just know that means you can’t be trusted.” When pointing out that she was less than six degrees of separation due to her reliance on income from writing about Monsanto, her mouth fell open for a moment and she stuttered before spitting out her proudest moment to brag about.

“We told people Kavin Senapathy, a mom from Wisconsin, was connected to the Koch Brothers, and they believed it. Can you imagine? People will never suspect I’m making money off of this if I keep pointing fingers at everyone else. They just think I’m this sweet mother who’s really concerned and fighting for their kids health. It’s such an easy story to sell.”

I pressed her on that for a moment because, really, I hoped I’d find out more about their thoughts on health. “It’s not like we actually care about food safety,” Erin Elizabeth of Health Nut News told me. “Some of us promote raw milk for fuck’s sake, and that shit can kill you. If we actually cared, we’d be promoting calorically balanced diets and teaching people about scientifically based nutrition, and instead-” Vani Hari interrupted.

“Instead I told people an organic ice cream sundae could be better for you than a conventionally grown apple. And people think- well, thought- I was a health advocate. I’m making a fortune off this bullshit.”

Carey Gillam agreed. “USRTK hired me after I definitely wasn’t fired from Reuters so they’d look more legitimate when they target anyone who hasn’t burned down a research facility. So without agriculture’s real science, I wouldn’t have this fake job. The best part to me is that I wrote a whole book on how chemicals are bad and somehow nobody has called me out on the strong possibility that my face has been pumped full of a paralytic bacterial toxin in attempt to look young.”

This was a lot to take in. I looked around at everyone and asked “so… y’all are getting paid then?”

Erin Elizabeth cackled and let us know that her boyfriend, Dr. Mercola, “has a compound, and you don’t make compound money by telling people about real medicine. Ask our friend Dr. Oz.”

I asked Ruskin why the profit model is okay for them but not for anyone else who’s associated with agriculture. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and answered, “we make the world a better place by just barely avoiding committing libel, preventing life saving technology from hitting the market place, and making a fortune from investors in the process.” He looked at me and said very seriously “if it wasn’t for us to write about, maybe you wouldn’t have a job.”

As we all know, you just can’t trust people who make money. Paying bills is a thing that only shills do, and accordingly, it seems that the nice folks from USRTK can’t be trusted anymore. Their continued profit off Monsanto is an outrage, and I personally won’t stand for it. 

Paul Thacker sat in the corner drooling. 



This has been satire. Every word. Except that USRTK and their affiliates suck, that part’s true. 

Also, since I’m not ashamed of paying my bills, please donate to help support the site!

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About SciBabe 78 Articles
Yvette d'Entremont, aka SciBabe, is a chemist and writer living in Los Angeles with her husband and their four pets. She bakes a mean gluten free chocolate chip cookie and likes glitter more than is considered healthy for a woman past the age of seven.

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