The Food Babe uncovered a startling discovery recently that fast food is sometimes unhealthy.
*and the crowd goes mild*
This time she went after the McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, because instead of telling people that the gallons of beer they’re drinking for St. Patrick’s Day is carcinogenic (because it is), reminding them to Uber it home or have a designated driver tonight (you should), she’s warning them about…
Milkshakes. Because big words scare her.
And of course, telling them to make her much healthier ice cream laced with unicorn tears and kale or some shit.
But I did the math. Her ice cream concoction (you don’t have to click that link if you don’t want to give her the traffic, I’m copying and pasting the recipe below) is not healthier.
Everything in italics is from food babe.com:
- 1 can of full fat coconut milk (13.5 ounces)
- 3 frozen bananas or ½ cup coconut palm sugar
- pinch of sea salt
- For Almond Pistachio Flavor: 1 and ½ tsp almond extract,1 vanilla bean seeded or 1 tsp vanilla extract,1/2 cup toasted and chopped almonds and pistachios
- For Mint Chocolate Chip Flavor: 2 tsp peppermint extract, ⅓ cup raw cacao nibs or chocolate chips of your choice
- For Cookies & Cream Flavor: 1 tbsp vanilla extract , 10 cocao einkorn cookies broken into pieces or cookie of your choice
Then you’re supposed to mash all this stuff together and it morphs into an ice cream-esque concoction. But we’re not here to talk about delicious things (because if we were, we would not be discussing the Food Babe’s “recipes”). We’re here to talk about why this is not healthier than McDonalds.
First, she starts with a whole can of coconut cream. I like coconut cream a lot, I use it often when I make Indian food. It’s delicious. But know what it’s not? Low in calories. One can of it packs 700 calories. We’re already ahead of a medium shamrock shake at 660 calories, but we’re not finished yet.
The next ingredient is three frozen bananas OR 1/2 cup of palm sugar. Vani labors under the delusion that natural means something is better or healthier. Ask a diabetic if “natural” means jack shit to them when they’re trying get their next insulin injection down after this natural overload on sugar; it does not. One medium banana has about a 105 calories. Three bananas means it’s 315 calories.
Vani alternatively suggested adding 1/2 cup coconut palm sugar for sweetness, thinking that this means it’s better for you than plain white sugar. Perhaps with the coconutty goodness it means it will be a lower calorie count, you think? Calorie per calorie, the American Diabetic Association says to treat it exactly the same as plain white sugar. Well, a half a cup is a hundred grams of coconut palm sugar, and the math says that she’s adding 326 calories to the mixture.
At this point, no matter what, we’re over 1,000 calories. Things are looking grim for her “healthy” alternative.
All the extracts are essentially void of calories (and they’re of course organic so that means they’ve been blessed by a butterfly and dusted with moon glow or something) but then she says to add a half cup of almonds or pistachios. A half cup of almonds packs 412 calories, and a half cup of pistachios adds another 320 calories. Nuts are good for you, but let’s not kid ourselves; this is all adding up.
And then for the motherland, the cookies and cream flavor. She instructs you to add ten of these organic (so they’re healthy, of course) einkorn cookies into the mixture. One serving of three cookies is 140 calories. By the time you add in ten of them, you’ve added in 467 calories.
At the very least, you are looking at 1,015 calories, something outstrips the large Shamrock Shake by about 300 calories. At the most, the Food Babe’s concoction tops out at about 1,500 calories. She does list her recipe as ten servings, but ounce per ounce, it’s more calorically dense than a shamrock shake. She’s getting playful with the math to try to make it sound like it’s just a 150 calorie treat by saying it’s ten servings, and that’s some bullshit because this is maybe- at best- the size of two shamrock shakes. As Vani even admits that calories count when you’re watching your weight, that one’s gotta sting.
All of the ingredients, of course, can be purchased through her Amazon Affiliate links.
Go buy a damned Shamrock Shake.
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