Mike Adams Stunning Confession: “You Guys Didn’t Know Natural News Was Satire?”

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After years of riling up the most vulnerable, desperate, and at times tin foil hat wearing and paranoid contingents in the world, Mike Adams finally comes clean.

“I’ve been making this shit up as I go. How the fuck didn’t anybody catch it?”

Adams’ wild claims about everything from vaccines being a holocaustvaccines being a government scam, chemicals making your kids gay, or claiming that honey and water makes a great mouthwash? He’s finally admitted that he was just yanking yer’ goat. 

“I started the website out as a joke, you know? Nobody could have believed all of that. I mean just look at the atrocious grammar, the videos comparing a chicken nugget to an alien landscapemy insane self-written profile, the goddamn articles themselves. It reads like satire. I mean, nobody could possibly have the cognitive dissonance to run a business like this, not publicly cite any sources, and think they have a shred of credibility, right? I’ve been pulling this whole thing off brilliantly for years.” 

Adams smiles when he thinks back over his long and storied career as an organic, alternative health crusader. 

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“Yeah, that happened,” Adams says, regretfully. 

“I even got onto Dr. Oz’s show, not that THAT’S an accomplishment, it’s not like he has a fact checking department. I told him I had a lab and made discoveries, can you imagine that? And he believed me!” He said before breaking into maniacal laughter. When pressed about if other alternative health sites were likewise operating as satire, a very serious expression came across his face.

“If I told everyone that David Avocado Wolfe and Vani Hari didn’t believe their own bullshit and were just out to make money, they’d kill me in my sleep.”

He pondered the whole mess quietly, thinking about all the people who feared vaccinations, food, and other really safe stuff based on his shit for a moment while shaking his head, saying “I can’t believe I got away with it for this long.” What does Adams plan to do now that he’s outed himself?

“Whatever the fuck I want, I’m set for life now, motherfuckers! Organic bullshit shilling is the life!”

(Yes, this article is satire. Every word, except to the links to Natural News. He actually said all of that shit. You’re welcome.)

-SciBabe

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30 Comments

  1. What do you know? Phony Pseudo-Science? And, Vani Hari is faking it? It is only January 2nd. I need an organic cleanse!

  2. Dammit Poe!

    This is like meta-Poe though, because this article had to be plastered with a disclaimer or people would believe it were real.

  3. I had someone told me that coconut oil is as good as mouth wash just a little bit ago.

    We need to start teaching the scientific method in kindergarten and then re-teach it every year through high school. Maybe then people will know how to science. I mean, I can’t even have a conversation with some people without them claiming that “they” (aka, all the scientist paid off by the liberals) are trying to fool us.

    Now that I type that, I have a slightly off-topic question. Is this ignorance an American thing, or is it global?

      • While true that stupidity is in no way confined to the US, there’s a certain type of muscular vapidity and industrial-strength ignorance which are tolerated and, in fact, advanced by the US media.

        But because the US media dominates much of the world, it appears that there is a global, homogenous love of weird woo & woolly thinking; all hawked around the planet, at light speed, by the likes of Fox, CNN etc.

        FORTUNATELY, the governments and/or people of many countries outside the US* refuse to buy into this tide of inane rubbish.

        * (it may come as a surprise to many US citizens that there even ARE countries outside the US)

    • As usual, there is a kernel of truth to it. Yes, swishing with an oil rinse will indeed reduce the incidence of bacteria (and thus caries) on teeth.

      Is it as good as brushing, flossing, and mouthwash? No. It’s better than nothing, but the current standard in oral care is much more effective at preventing cavities.

    • “Alcohol doesn’t really kill bacteria. It just swishes them around.” Sound medical advice I heard from a real-live adult.

  4. In Mexico, December 28 is our “April’s fool”, called Dia de los inocentes (Day of the Innocents), so you could say it was just a bit late XD

  5. Hey
    Love your work, but sources are needed been looking everywhere, cant seem to find any source. Tried google his exact speech but its only your article who comes up. Lets bring some accountability here.

  6. I had a stress&anxiety counsellor tell my daughter to try Rescue Remedy. I said “She’s 16 and it has alcohol in it. Also it’s a placebo. We won’t try that.”

  7. I am not sure you are so far from the mark here. Adams’ disclaimer speaks of his site being for merely entertainment value (ie, fictional!). See bottom of any page: This site is part of the Natural News Network © 2016 All Rights Reserved. Privacy | Terms All content posted on this site is commentary or opinion and is protected under Free Speech. Truth Publishing International, LTD. is not responsible for content written by contributing authors. The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind.

  8. I think Mr Adams would be a very brave man to try and backtrack now, -if this is true it looks like the ruling classes have done a peter garrett on him- especially when there is so much evidence about what he talks about being true. from numerous scientific studies on the chemtrails found on google scholar to the 9 year Iowa fluoride study proving fluoride has no effect on protecting teeth as well as the Swedish studies proving it inhibits enzymes, then you have the ingredients in the vaccines which include formaldehyde and the impossibility of the body to defend itself against a direct injection into the blood stream.

  9. from Mike Adams own bio:

    LIFESTYLE

    Adams has no criminal record and has never been arrested. He avoids alcohol, smoking, coffee and all recreational drugs. He has never used recreational drugs in his entire life.

    This of course qualifies him to make as many whacky and unfounded claims as he likes and lends him credibility as a ‘solid. model citizen’.

  10. It’s good.

    For the ending though, you may as well have him say he’s going to keep right on doing it.

    Because, he’s going to keep right on doing it.

    And, if the confession were real… he could *still* keep right on doing it. He might have to lie low for a few years, that’s all.


    Furry cows moo and decompress.

  11. DAMN YOU, just like Lucy in Penauts yanking the ball away just when I hoped that Mr Adams was about to go down in history as one of the most determined satirists of all time. Now he will have to settle for being just an unusually great fool.

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