MOS: Spanking Monkeys & Flogging Dolphins
My roommate asked me if animals masturbate. She hasn’t entirely forgiven me for the dolphins.
Month: January 2024
MOS: Thioacetone, possibly the worst smell on Earth.
Those early attempts to isolate the molecule were ultimately abandoned when every single experiment resulted in threats of lawsuits.
MOS: Cocaine Doctor
Dr. Edwin Katskee decided the best way to sort the correct dosage was to take simply massive amounts of cocaine. When used as local anesthesia, it’s often applied topically. Katskee injected the stuff.
MOS: Parasitic Twin on the Brain
The incidence of fetus-in-fetu is suspected to be less than one in a half a million live births, with less than 200 cases reported in medical literature.
MOS: The Merchant of Syphilis
From 1946 to 1948, Cutler led studies on multiple bacterial STDs. Like the Terre Haute experiments, people were deliberately infected; unlike the prisoners, those infected were told almost nothing. Estimates of the number of victims are as high as 5,000 people.
MOS: The Peacock Mantis Shrimp
Unlike their more cocktail-sauce-adjacent cousins, these are not filter feeders. These motherfuckers will engage in fisticuffs for their dinner, and don’t let their small size fool you.
MOS: Axolotls, the Colorful Water Dogs
These baby faced limb regenerating Mexican canal puppies with hypothyroidism bear the name of an ancient god, are incredibly useful in medical research, and are on the verge of extinction in the wild.
MOS: Adorable Baby Animals (…mostly)
Baby elephants are three feet tall and weigh about 260lbs. Tell that to your Mother next time she gives you shit for how difficult labor was.
MOS: The Lost Cosmonauts
There’s a theory that Yuri Gagarin was not the first person the Soviets sent to space, just the first one to come back alive.
MOS: Stubbins Ffirth
Ffirt thought if he could prove it wasn’t contagious, people wouldn’t have to suffer their final moments with this awful disease alone. He was willing to put his ass– and every other orifice– on the line to prove it wasn’t contagious.