What do quokkas, dolphins, and sloths have in common? They all constantly look like they’re smiling, and why wouldn’t they? Delightful little quokkas are maybe the only thing in Australia that won’t make an attempt on your life, dolphins occasionally get NASA funded handjobs (true story), and sloths? Well.
They only stand up once a week, and it’s to take a shit.
Today’s Moment of Science… extreme excrement.
Sloths are notorious for being named accurately. These adorable lazy motherfuckers live the majority of their lives upside down in the trees moving at a pace that makes turtles and snails go “dude, we’re walking metaphors but come the fuck on.” With the cheekiest of permanent grins plastered on their faces, they descend from the trees for little more than one thing; taking giant goddamn dumps.
Whatever you think to be a heroic poo after your morning coffee, take a seat. The sloth takes one shit a week and they make it an absolute unit.
They can lose up to a third of their body weight in their weekly deuce, and it’s literally the only thing they ever stand up for. They do a little boogie simply called the ‘poo dance,’ digging a hole to bury their droppings in.
All this puts their lives at extreme risk. Since they’re such slow critters, leaving the safety of the tree immediately turns them into a potential meal. About half of sloth fatalities occur while they’re on a trip to fertilize the forest floor.
There are six species of sloth, and some of them are known to rain dung from the heavens, skipping the ritualistic climb to the ground. This prompts an obvious question: what’s up with these daredevil poopers?
There are a few theories. One is that it’s part of a mutualistic symbiosis with pyralid moths and algae. The poo pile offers a comfortable environment for the moth eggs. The sloth fur and algae then provide the moths with food and shelter. The problem with this theory? Any apparent benefit to the sloth, through diet or other mechanism, is negligible at best. It’s hard to call this relationship a mutualistic symbiosis when it presents such a high risk to the sloth’s life.
The other major viable theory that seems more likely is that it’s part of their social behavior. When females are in heat, they come down to relieve themselves every day for ten days. They generally mark the same tree each day. Researchers suspect it’s an effort to signal to the male sloths, “Hey lazy motherfucker. You’re my kinda guy.”
Scientists just aren’t sure yet.
Whatever the reason, they risk death weekly to drop the human equivalent of a fifty pound load. I think I understand why they’re smiling.
This has been your Moment of Science, suggesting to take a hint from sloths, and don’t shit where you eat.Never want to miss a Moment of Science? For extended columns and exclusive bonus content, head to patreon.com/scibabe.
I remember sitting in a ‘pekki-pekki’ (dugout canoe w/5hp motor) on a lake near one of the tributaries of the Amazon. We sat there for hours, listening to the jungle, and watching a sloth complete the trip down. We didn’t wait to watch the trip back up.