I’m sick but I wanted to write something today because *gestures at week with nothing new written*
To be fair, it was a holiday, then my internet was down, then I spent half a day on the phone making a compelling case to Kaiser Permanente why they should continue to give me the health insurance that they- inexplicably- overcharged me for this month while simultaneously taking away my coverage.
It’s been a fucking week, kids. So here’s a little bitty OG-style SciBabe that I still have in the tank.
Today’s Moment of Science… “Ultra Processed Foods” aren’t fucking a thing, and I’m tired of pretending they are.
There’s always gonna be that one friend who has to point out that a tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable. I’m not sure why this is mainly done with the tomato, because it could just as easily be done with cucumber, zucchini, pepper, avocado, anything with seeds, really. So yes, your pretentious asshole friend who wants to sound clever by using the botanical definition of a fruit may be accurate. But if I’m making a salad and I ask what vegetables haven’t been sacrificed to the gods of crisper drawer regret soup, pass me a fucking tomato because you know what I goddamn mean.
We like to categorize things. It makes life easier to understand. But… does anyone actually know or agree on what an ultra-processed food is?
Let’s start with processed foods. The term is poorly understood to the point of having the practical utility of a catholic abortion clinic, but it does have an actual legal and regulated meaning. Any food that’s been altered from its natural state is considered processed. This includes a lot of things that aren’t cookies. Pasteurizing milk kills germs and extends shelf life. Flash-freezing freshly picked produce maintains a higher level of nutrients than fresh produce. In both cases, thermal treatment means they’re considered processed.
The complete list of processed food is barely shorter than the complete list of… food. It’s hardly a category that can be understood collectively by macronutrient profile or vitamin content or caloric density. These foods have been through any one of a number of processes, some of which barely alter them, some of which create products that are unrecognizable compared to the starting material.
For years it was in vogue amongst much lazier food writers to associate ‘processed’ with things like candy or sodas. I guess that term wasn’t scary enough for people who won’t just learn some fucking science though. So now we have “ultra-processed foods” (UPF) which include candy and sodas but is there an actual definition for the category of UPFs?
No. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here tomorro-
I should elaborate.
There’s no real definition binding these together, but you see a lot of commonalities with the descriptions. “Packaged foods using manufactured ingredients.” “Highly altered.” “Contain a lot of salt, sugar, and fat.” My favorite definition is “foods you couldn’t make in your own kitchen,” because I’ve made Cadbury eggs and peppermint patties, so fucking try me. The British Heart Foundation’s website includes ice cream, sausages, bread, potato chips, cereal, fruit yogurts, canned fish, carbonated drinks, and suspiciously only “some” alcoholic drinks.
Nobody’s arguing that you should base your diet on potato chips. But are we really putting all breakfast cereal in one group? And we’re putting those into the same category as… gin and canned tuna?
They’re making a big fuss about it over in the UK- a few expert types want to add black warning labels to anything they consider a UPF. It’s true that some studies correlate the usual suspects of upsetting health outcomes with consuming foods that are lumped in this category. But if you make a category of foods big and nebulously defined, you can manufacture a lot of fucky correlations.
There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the nutritional world when the updated 2023 Nordic Nutritional Recommendations opted not to include an advisory statement on UPFs. However, their dietary recommendations are for a “predominantly plant-based diet high in vegetables, fruits, berries, and whole grains, ample intake of fish and nuts, moderate intake of low-fat dairy products, limited intake of red meat and poultry, minimal intake of processed meat, alcohol, and processed foods containing high amounts of fats, salt, and sugar.”
So they did tell people to avoid the components of ultra-processed foods that have more established links to health issues. The problem- for a few people- seemed to be that they didn’t use the term ultra-processed foods.
Which, once again, is a bullshit term with no real definition. So.
I wouldn’t have an issue with this whole absurdity if the advice was just “maybe watch your added sugar and fat intake because those pack on calories quickly.” Many of the health issues associated with these foods do come back to the effect they have on weight gain, so if you want to enjoy things that you keep seeing listed as a UPF, mind your portions and work them into your caloric budget. And maybe avoid the gin-tuna-cereal diet.
This has been your Moment of Science, never unemployed as long as there’s bullshit nutritional advice on the internet.
So, the vodka – whiskey – lard – cheese – block of salt diet is totally out?
Wow, so much for those TV dinners! Hey, not my problem you’re eating on the wrong channel.
In my book, to be briefly serious, highly processed foods tend to have fats, salt and sugar added – think oh, canned spaghetti-o’s and TV dinners. If I have a TV dinner, it’d be once per year and it was a bad year. Usually, I prefer to die by my own hand in my own kitchen and a bonus, the foods that I’ll make from scratch taste better. The stove does most of the work for me.
Ultra-processed foods do exist in my lexicon, see meal in a body bag (aka military MRE’s) and what NASA sends into orbit for prime examples and well, pretty much the opposite of what the ignorant are complaining about. Both were highly processed for specific mission requirements, military being high caloric input and initially, low in bulk (resulting in constipation due to low bulk fiber), NASA’s for balanced nutrition in orbit, with a substantially lower caloric input and more highly spiced to offset blunted senses of smell and taste in orbiting space dwellers.
Does that mean I always eat “right” and super healthy? Yeah, totally, as often as the pope poops in the woods and a bear holds a high novena. I balance insults with plenty of good nutrition and well, it’s effective enough that in a family where type 2 diabetes is ubiquitous, I’m in my low 60’s and not diabetic, whereas most cousins were diabetic by age 40, the rest by age 45, on dialysis by mid – 50’s. Cardiac is good, less than 10% blockage in one artery, blown mitral valve from COVID (vaccinated and boosted, so I hate to think of what’d have happened absent the vaccine!) and I walk to the supermarket at least twice a month, which is 2 miles each way, return trip with a cart weighing in around 100 – 200 pounds.
Pretty fair, considering military service induced osteoarthritis, a subsequent herniated disc and due to both, walking with a cane.
Oh, I also enjoy chemical free food. That’s why I prefer NASA certified vacuum for between meal snacks.
If one can get more chemical free than a vacuum, I’ll enjoy watching one prove it.