MOS: The Langya Virus
Could my colleagues exercise a little restraint in reporting on interesting new microbes, lest we spur panic about diseases that haven’t infected more than, say, three dozen people since 2018?
MOS: The Great Oxygen Catastrophe
The Huronian Glaciation, the first and longest known ice age at 300 million years or so, was ushered in largely by these small giants.
MOS: Weird Old Timey Medicine
Erectile dysfunction in the fuck-around-and-find-out era of medicine, they hit you with a little electricity. Where? Anywhere. Get creative.
MOS: DART
If an asteroid happens upon a collision course with Earth after it was inexplicably the only thing screenwriters could think about in 1998, I expect we will have a plan to yeet that shit on over to Uranus.
MOS: Put the the “P” in…
Chlorine doesn’t ferry piss out of the pool for adult swim. It’s just a molecule. At best it will react with other molecules. At worst, same.
MOS: The 2022-2023 Monkeypox Outbreak
The outbreak mostly died down, but not without nearly 100,000 cases, 169 confirmed global fatalities as of January 2024, and a heaping dose of panic.
MOS: The James Webb Space Telescope
After upwards of thirteen billion years of space travel, that giant honeycomb mirror collects every weary infrared photon it can grab.
MOS: Fighting Trauma with Tetris
Troublesome memories show up at 4pm when you’re on deadline to whisper in your ear “it’s been a while, how ‘bout now for some ugly crying?”
MOS: Banana Wilt
This will be my third column about bananas and I have to really crank up the dick jokes this time by an inch or two. Or, perhaps, it’s time to let them go limp.