That’s it. We’ve reached the end.
The rear end, that is.
And it’s gonna get sticky.
Today’s Moment of Science… Pour some sugar on buttholes- Wait, is Chuck Tingle writing this thing?
Content note: This contains a discussion of… well…
Anal prolapse is no laughing matter so YOU STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. This is not to be mistaken with a prolapsed hemorrhoid which is a much smaller problem, but somehow simultaneously the worst pain in the ass. Though the type and degree of this shitty condition can vary significantly, the term is used when an entire segment of the rectum slides past the bouncers and right on out your backdoor. Causes vary and can include weakened bowel muscles, pelvic injury, chronic constipation, neurological issues, or having a particular specialty in the porn industry.
As with so many things, a spoonful of sugar makes the tuchus medicine go- wait, what? I swear, I didn’t turn this over to ChatGPT or a friend with a weird fetish. Well, a weirder fetish than the ones I already have.
The long term treatment plan for rectal prolapse depends on the severity of the case. There are stages of rectal collapse that occur internally before our built-in colostomy bags air out their grievances. If treated early, it can be managed non-surgically. Adding a simply heroic amount of fiber to the diet to manage the cause of the issue- often constipation and straining- may be enough. Once things have gone external, surgery is often indicated.
But first, you gotta get the genie back in the bottle. Though this is typically an uncomplicated process of putting a glove on and pushing, in some rare, visually horrifying instances things can become stuck outside of the body. Unsurprisingly, this can quickly turn into a situation that requires emergency surgery.
So, hot sugared asshole. My bandname.
One way to reduce inflammation and swelling in the exposed rectal tissue is to take advantage of good old osmosis. Pouring a literal buttload of sugar on this pink tube sock of danger causes water to be drawn out. This can often reduce swelling enough to avoid imminent surgery.
Yes, it’s exactly like pouring salt on a slug.
The same treatment can be used for swollen prolapsed hemorrhoids. Though salt can be used in these treatments as well, sugar is typically recommended. Or, just throwing it out there, work on getting your recommended daily fiber intake.
This has been your Moment of Science, a bit terrified (and vaguely aroused) by any medical professional who recommends rubbing salt in a hemorrhoid.
Then, there’s getting a kink in a kink proof tube. Such as intussusception, part of the intestine telescopes into itself.
Much similar to prolapse in some ways, with similar causes and also, quite a few unknown causes – especially in children. Idiopathic, doctor speak for, “I have absolutely no frigging idea”.
Catch it early and well, there’s no excuse not to, given the five alarm symptoms and treatment is typically also the diagnostic. A barium, water soluble contrast, air contrast enema that’s used to get imagery of the bowel frequently will set things back in order, putting that train back on its tracks, so to speak.
Happened to one of my grandchildren, because well, someone urinated in our gene pool and oh, that ain’t a Hershey bar at the bottom of that gene pool.