I, for one, welcome my AI chatbot overlords. I use ChatGPT sometimes to help write these columns. It’s not an ‘input-prompt-hit-post’ sight unseen deal, no. It’s a good tool to scrape for information I might not have found on my first poke through the interwebs. Then again, that’s because the information it drags up sometimes is such nonsense that the internet wouldn’t dare.
Today’s MOS… Shit ChatGPT told me about shit (aka fectacular science, the third trip to the loo).
After a lot of double checking, it seems that ChatGPT threw me a few questionable lifelines. Does this mean we’re dealing with bad tech? No, it’s an infant that’s attempting to pass its law school exams, and doing far better than expected. I’ve used the program so far for just a handful of articles, two of which were on animal poop. The shittiest results are a good reminder of a new twist on an old adage: ChatGPT, but verify.
“Giraffe scat is often in the shape of a spiral because their long necks cause their feces to twist as they’re being excreted.” At best, descriptions of giraffe poop suggest it’s similar to that of a rabbit. In shape and size, they’re approximately shit marbles, likely unaffected by their long necks.
“If you ever come across owl scat, you might notice that it’s made up mostly of the indigestible parts of their prey, like bones and fur.” This is almost true. Owl pellets are a waste product from the owl, but they don’t make a rear exit. Incredibly useful for ornithologists, this shit is actually owl puke.
“Not all animal poop is solid – some marine mammals, like dolphins and whales, excrete a liquid feces called “pseudecoprods.” This isn’t even wrong. I mean, yes, dolphins and whales shit is mostly fluid but it’s got a decent amount of solid particles and the occasional squid beak in it. But “pseudecoprods” isn’t a fucking word. The term for whale shit is… whale shit.
“Some animals, like the beaver, use their feces and urine to help construct their homes.” Y’all. Beavers eat their poop. That’s good eats, they’re not smearing that shit on their walls.
“When it comes to sheer volume, elephants take the cake for producing the most poop. Adult elephants can produce up to 50 pounds of poop a day!” Wrong on two counts. First, the blue whale is the most prodigious pooper, producing 200 liter pseudecoprods I mean whale shits at a time. Second, elephants are not being given enough credit here, and they can drop over 200lbs of poop in a day.
“Don’t be fooled by their cute and cuddly appearance – pandas have some of the smelliest poop in the animal kingdom! Their feces is so potent that it’s used to deter other pandas from encroaching on their territory.” A lot of animals use waste and other body odors to ward off competition for resources. But pandas live on bamboo, and their poop smells like… bamboo. Zoos in China have even encouraged visitors to give it a whiff. Which, to be fair, might have been for the amusement of the zookeepers.
This has been your Moment of Science, pointing out how many of these sounded as feasible as the factoids that turned out to be true.
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